Be True Stillness

Ego is a Vampire

2009-07-03T02:14:00.001-07:00

Ego is a vampire, but not the way you think, not in a bad way.

Did you ever see the vampire films where the vampires get caught in the sunlight, and the sunlight burns them up? That's how ego is a vampire.

And like the vampire, ego sucks on the life's blood, lives from it and tries to take it and own it for itself. But that's just how it is, that's its make-up, it doesn't act out of evil intent. Same as the vampire only acts its nature.

I'm talking about imaginary vampires, don't worry. But then I'm talking about imaginary egos too, both products of over imagination.

In the clarity of the sunlight the vampire cannot survive, one tiny touch burns. At the approaching dawn it hides in the shadows, it's easy to find places where the sunlight can't reach.

But the sun is rising unrelentingly and the shadows are becoming short. A piece of cloak here, a wing or a tail, a finger and a toe, pretty soon the skin on the head and hand, a piece of a nose. Each hiding place becomes too small and another vampirish morsel is singeing away.

Vampires and egos can only live in the dark. Light is their nemesis, they can't stand up in it because they cannot survive in its presence.

And they don't survive in its presence, they never existed at all. Even the apparent darkness was only ever light, and what hid in the apparent shadows was nothing but a figment.

The Garden of Eden

2009-01-10T03:18:00.000-08:00

The whole Garden of Eden story is playing out every moment. It's a direct metaphor for the temptation to incarnate in each moment as form. This is the meaning of good and evil, not some dramatic rendition of evil that does bad things Hollywood style, but the evil which it is to fall from grace. That's the story of Satan, the top guardian angel, God's right hand man, falling from grace, which means falling from God.

This is theistic language, familiar as Christian doctrine, and it's also this same metaphor of the Garden of Eden. Does it say in the story that Satan appears to Eve as a serpent? But of course, the serpent is Satan, the tempter. In theistic language God is all there is, the source of everything. In non-theistic language that is the One, the stillness, the awake presence. And that's you, the still, awake presence that is the source of all that is; of good and of evil.

This Satan, this serpent, depicted as a form, is actually not a form really, not a someone, but merely the temptation itself. And the temptation appears in you (that is, in God), as the temptation to fall from grace, which is your very nature. And the fall from grace is the taking of the apple, it's the hypnosis of duality (knowledge of good and evil), the leaving of paradise to be human, which is to say, to believe yourself to be a human being, a human person, a separate someone. This play of good and evil, the fall out of paradise into separation, from liberation into bondage, plays out every time you take a bite from that apple. The thing is, you take that bite willingly, knowing where it leads. You offer yourself that apple, Satan is only the thought, you bite it willingly, and you fall from grace as you knew you would.

Yet this is all just a play. It's the illusion of a fall from grace into separation, that's what's being described in this story. The fall is not real, you are grace, you cannot fall from that. You are the awake stillness that sees all this. As awake stillness you see the illusion manifest, and as you take form to take the bite that you offer yourself, you are the awake stillness that witnesses that. And while you believe this new illusion, you are the awake stillness which is seeing this belief being held and doesn't mind because there's no problem, there's no damage from it. You cannot be harmed by the dream of separation, so you watch it, you endure it as a nightmare, but it's a delicious nightmare, and you keeping eating it. And when awakening comes, you realize that you knew it was a dream all along, and when you take the apple after that you will feel frustrated at your folly for believing it even after you saw through it. Until you finally realize that believing there was folly is also a dream.

conversation with a puff of smoke

2008-07-12T11:22:00.000-07:00

puff of smoke says "I feel murky, I cannot see clearly"

clear space says "Yes, you are a puff of smoke"

puff of smoke says "Where are you, I heard your whisper?"

clear space says "I am here, I am all around"

puff of smoke says "Where are you, all I see is smoke?"

clear space says "Yes, you are a puff of smoke, but I am all around, I am everywhere"

puff of smoke says "I am looking for you. If you are everywhere why can I not see you?"

clear space says "You have to look past the surface appearance, I am not the smoke that you are, though I am in the smoke. I am beyond the smoke, look further."

puff of smoke says "I can see that I am smoke, and it seems that I can see a faint glimpse of you through the smoke, but it's fleeting, there's a lot of smoke in the way."

clear space says "Yes, you are a puff of smoke"

puff of smoke says "If you are everywhere, then you must be within me too, and yet I only see smoke"

clear space says "When you look through those smokey eyes everything you see looks a little like smoke, even that that is not smoke looks smokey."

puff of smoke says "Yes, it's smokey all around and it's smokey within me too. Where can I find you then, are you not in me?"

clear space says "You are a puff of smoke, I am not in you, you are in me!"

puff of smoke says "Oh yes, you are all around, I'm just a small puff of smoke and thought I was a big thing, but you are not limited to any thing"

clear space says "Yes, I am clear space, I am unlimited because I am not any particular thing, big or small"

puff of smoke says "I'd like to be like you"

clear space says "A puff of smoke can only be a puff of smoke, but you aren't really that, you can sense my nature as clear space and also witness yourself as a puff of smoke. To have this larger perspective you must be something that is able to also see the puff of smoke which is not the puff of smoke."

puff of smoke says "Yes, I get it. I'm aware that I am the puff of smoke and at the same time I'm not that, I'm something else which can sense itself both as the smoke and as the clear space."

clear space says "A puff of smoke is only here for a while, even as you get blown around, you are already dissipating"

puff of smoke says "Yes, I can see more, it's clearer, but I still feel like I'm the smoke. I'm concerned about feeling less solid, I'm frightened."

clear space says "You are a puff of smoke, you were never solid. Now that is passing, you are no longer mistaking yourself for the smoke."

ex-puff of smoke says "Yes, it's clear now, I am not the puff of smoke, in fact I never was."

clear space says "While you looked through the eyes of the smoke, you believed you were the smoke, all around was smokey and you believed you had to become clear"

ex-puff of smoke says "The smoke has gone now, yet I'm the same, I can see I was never the smoke, only I looked through the eyes of the smoke. Why did I ever believe I was the smoke?"

clear space says "You didn't. You were in the smoke, and while the smoke was here, it was the smoke that believed it was you."

ex-puff of smoke says "Yes, it all seems irrelevant now. When I was looking through the smoke's eyes I believed that there was a problem, that I had to see past being the smoke. Now I see I was never the smoke anyway, so the problem was a non-problem, an illusion. The questions fall away..."

clear space says "Mmmmm...."

not all caterpillars become butterflies

2007-12-16T10:37:00.000-08:00

Not all caterpillars know about butterflies. Some have seen them, and understood them to be another species, and most haven't even ever seen one, so busy they are a-munching and a-mooching.

Some though have been told they are butterflies really. Occasionally by a butterfly that got noticed and stopped fluttering by to chat and lend a wing. Or by another caterpillar who heard it from someone else.

Or by a chrysalis who spoke from stillness. Not all caterpillars know about chrysalises either!

Some caterpillars who've seen what a butterfly is tried to grow wings, or tried jumping off things to fly. Few know they have to become a chrysalis first. And some believed a chrysalis to be a butterfly, never having seen the real thing, or maybe because a chrysalis told them so, because either the caterpillar or the chrysalis misunderstood.

Not all chrysalises know about butterflies either! But they know they're not caterpillars anymore for sure. They got the message of stillness, stop moving, stay still to pupate. It's a beautiful time of transformation gathering strength to grow wings to fly.

Not all chrysalises become butterflies, it's not a conclusion foregone. To finish the job the chrysalis has to love lightness and light and long to fly in the air. Some love the earth more or their hard outer shell, or waste energy boasting to caterpillars. Hardening their shells with love of darkness turning their cocoon into a prison and eventual coffin.

The wise ones stay still, trusting to nature, they know it's a transitional phase. The wings need clarity to harden, the shell needs honesty to break. It takes openess to open the wings and lightness to fly in the sky.

The alchemy of the male and female in Awakening

2007-08-17T14:33:00.000-07:00

How the classic male and female responses to emotions play out in Awakening.

The story so far:

Men often feel that emotions are overplayed, they feel less affected by them and may even sense that they are unreal.
The woman's view of this is that men are not in touch with their emotions and push down, deny them. And then they erupt at some later stage, in seemingly unrelated and often over-reactive ways.
Meanwhile, women may feel that emotions are very real, and that they have a healthy connection with them which allows them to move through rather than fester. The release of emotion is freeing, there's a burst of energy from it that is undeniable.
The man's view of this that women are over-emotional, driven by their emotions instead of driving them. That they suffer unnecessarily.

Of course, I'm generalizing, but maybe it sounds a little bit familiar? The two sides have their supporting stories. The male that emotions are some useless by-product of life that is basically unreal, and therefore feels justified in the attitude of denial. The female that emotions are true and to ignore them is to live a life that is stunted, unidimensional and fundamentally, unhealthy. Each senses the story of the other and feels it is illusory or at least exaggerated. In other words, each senses that they have the truer grasp on reality. Each is identified with their own version, and locked into a story of separation from the other.

Yet both have some truth and some value. The sense that emotions are unreal is a healthy perspective of space. The sense that emotions are real is a healthy perspective of acceptance. Yet, both are dysfunctional in the normal state of consciousness, the state of living a life through the filter of the mind - me and my story. In this state, the healthy perspectives of both sides become polarized through identification with the viewpoint itself into unhealthy entrenchedness, causing rejection of the other perspective. So, men become unable to accept that they are emotional beings too, and women are unable to gain a sense of space at all from their emotions.

As the degree of consciousness rises, meaning as there is more awareness of subtlety and more of available intelligence is being used, the polarization diminishes, the man begins to get in touch with his emotions and the woman begins to feel less and less a slave to hers.

With the full onset of Awakening, and even after fully waking up from the story of me, conscious awareness of a whole internal world is becoming very magnified. Consciousness becomes aware of itself, and intimately aware of anything that rises within that. In becoming aware of itself there's a possibility for awareness of great space, and in becoming aware of what arises within consciousness, there's a possibility for seeing the movement of emotions at a fundamental level, and even sensing their powering energy.

As a result of this increased sensitivity there's a tendency to feel everything very deeply, and this can seem like a backward step. The male is suddenly bombarded with emotions he maybe hasn't fallen victim to since childhood, and the female may feel even more at the mercy of her's. This is due to the immense amount of new ability to give attention to what is happening internally.

The challenge for the male is to get in touch with this new world without losing his sense of perspective that it is transitory and not to be taken too seriously, that it will pass. By accepting the truth of what is happening inside, he stops allowing the festering of emotion to continue and he also gains in consciousness from allowing the emotions to free themselves. In keeping his perspective that it is unreal, he is preventing the trap of getting lost, identified with the emotions. He is in some way new to this world, it is suddenly much easier for him to fall prey to the classic female situation of victim to the emotions.

The challenge for the female is to get familiar with that new spaciousness too. Now she can see the movement of the energy which powers the emotions and understand how they feed from that and each other. She doesn't need to get lost in believing stories that arise with the emotions, so doesn't become identified with them, and instead homes in on the underlying stories that used to keep her stuck in the same place like a broken record. She becomes able to claim the freedoms from both the release of emotion and the awareness of their illusion.

In Awakening, the male and the female become closer to each other. The male wakes up within the female and the female within the male, and each moves towards the other recognizing themselves in the other. They essentially merge so that both perspectives become one. So each enjoys the benefits of the other and also faces the same challenges. The challenge for the male becomes the challenge of the male aspect, not the male identity, and so also is a challenge for the female and vice versa. This is the alchemical unity of the sexes promised, in some traditions such as tantra. Both are freed from their entrenched positions and both benefit from the new sensitivity to move beyond them into greater and greater unfoldings of life.

As internally, the male and female aspects come together, externally relationships between males and females become easier too. The other is now understood and valued, and even doesn't feel like the other anymore but another sensing a similar experience with equal intelligence and finer sensitivities to learn from.

the Juice

2007-06-11T11:12:00.000-07:00

Ever noticed the life in Life? That which propels it, and gives it life... the juice. It's in all things, the very energy that keeps them in place, holds them.

Ever noticed the life in thoughts, the juice which propels them, and gives them life? The interest in the interest, the fascination in the fascination.

Not hard to notice the juice in emotion. It can seem like they have a bit too much juice, but did you ever notice it's the same juice in the bad as in the good emotions?

Ever noticed it's the same juice in all things, the life in Life is the same everywhere? The whole Universe is pumped up with it and plump!

Ever noticed the juice in the noticing? The life and love and intelligence which does that, it's doing it right now, and can't not do it. The juice can't be turned off, it's going into all things all the time, it's emanating.

It's here if you notice it or not, no need to do anything about it, nothing to be done about it. Enough to be silent for a moment and notice... feel... enjoy. Feeling the juice that is you, enjoying the luck to be that and to be able to know it and enjoy it.

Presence by Osmosis

2007-05-25T13:04:00.000-07:00

One of our dear new friends in Spain just sent me a very beautiful email, it's prompting me to post something about the effects of Presence on those around us. I'll add the original Spanish as a comment below, but here's the gist in English:

"I returned home after the Valencia satsangs very present. And after those days there was a change in my husband. He isn't a spiritual seeker, denies it all, but I think he is an obvious "no being". It's dificult to tell you what's happening. I can only tell you his words "I have been lost a long time and now I've come home".

My husband is a guitarist and what comes to me is to compare what happens with the strings of a guitar. When you play a string and make it vibrate, other strings sound too in sympathy without being played. He says I give him Peace, Stillness, Freedom,... I know that I did nothing to him, and then that I did it all....

What's happening is very beautiful. Gorgeous, as Moni would say. It really is a blessing.
"

We're hearing this kind of thing again and again. Someone who attends satsang all the time, perhaps for years, and is amazed to see it's the partner, or the kids, or even the dog that is waking up! I guess for some it is so gradual, recognizing the shift happening in themselves can seem the least obvious, much easier to see transformation in others. But when they stop and consider how they used to be, a year, two, five years ago, and then now... yes, there's been a huge change.

Presence is contagious. Presence emerging in you is noticed by Presence emerging in those around you... even inspite of themselves! It's very funny really. If there was any of the usual spiritual words we often hear in satsang, it would probably cause a reaction and a fight, but in the simple being together, like the log placed next to a burning log... Presence ignites and glows... just by osmosis.

And of course, how could it be otherwise. Presence wakes up everywhere at once, it isn't just in you. When you rest as Presence you become like an epicentre, an anchor point. Like the Universe is tacking itself down, like a tent in the wind. The first tack was very hard to place, but then each new tack makes the next easier and so on... until everywhere it's the same... Presence blazing. Ok, I know I'm mixing my metaphors again... :)

2007-05-23T09:47:00.000-07:00

Thanks Jason for the wonderful comment to the first blog. The question posed (see comment to first blog for full text) was why not allow philosophical concepts and ideas, don't they give a framework for spiritual experience and so help?

Yes, it's true that anything can serve as a pointer to the Stillness that we are, even a philosophical concept or idea. And also, once the Awakening to that Stillness is making itself felt, some context in which to place it may allow a greater understanding... this is a great benefit if it allows the mind to relax. In both these cases we are really talking about a direct experience of something that is here. It feels like this is what was being pointed out in Jason's comment, and I'm very happy to be prompted to clarify it.

This is completely different to a discussion about opinions, ideas and beliefs. Actually meeting the direct experience of the effect of an idea is very pertinent to this blog. I would encourage anyone to test the effect of an idea themselves, is there a wish to debate a point or is there a wish to allow the pointer to have it's full effect of opening? The feeling is very different, and unmistakeable, one is about a position in the mind, the other takes you far beyond that.

The mind misunderstands Awakening believing it means you need to get somewhere, but it doesn't want to go there - fears it, so stalls you with a debate. It's ironic that there isn't anywhere to go anyway. The invitation is to simply be as you are right now, that that is good enough.

Perhaps also check to see if something wants to defend its right to debate ideas and opinions... there are plenty of places to do that on the internet, why would it insist that it should do it here too? The mind loves to postpone, and if it can do that whilst appearing to try to help, all the better. Check to see if the debating is a delay mechanism, if it's holding onto some belief that says that simply being as you are right now is not good enough. It's a strategy of the mind - to hold back, trying to manage the Awakening, fit it into its own schedule - "first let me understand then I'll allow it". And of course, this just prevents it from being fully known.

An Invitation to Tomas & Moni's blogs

2007-05-20T15:29:00.000-07:00

Through our own direct experience of Awakening in Stillness, Moni & I have been teaching (holding Stillness meetings) together in Europe and N America since 2005. We are delighted to share what it means to live this day by day. You are welcome to join us in a deep investigation of this Truth.

I see this blog as an extension to my website which gives visitors an opportunity to share their own insights, and also to ask any questions that may come to them.

It's an invitation and an experiment in sharing direct knowledge, so different to a discussion of concepts and ideas, or philosophical opinions.

It is an experiment to see if it's useful... and fun! I will moderate comments, so that it is kept relevant and appropriate. If a comment is of particular interest and/or a new topic, I will make it into a new post.

Moni has also started a blog, so you can direct questions/comments to me here and to her there.

THANK YOU

Here's Moni's blog : www.livingpresencenow.blogspot.com